Letting it Out

Probably the worst thing about being both open and reserved at the same time is knowing when you really need to let it all out of you.

There’s always those times where you’re really at breaking point but you don’t know who to turn to because you don’t want to be pitied for but to just have someone to take it all in and give you actual advise. A time when you can just blurt it all out without feeling judged and just let it all go.

What really gets on my nerves is when you can’t express it all out in terms of words when I want to, making you look like some idiot. Ok, someone has caught you looking all bottled up and asked for your well-being; a perfect opportunity has been presented to rant all you want with the other party being at all ears, but you just can’t express it the way you want it to. The situation that you’re in right now just can’t be portrayed how you want it to be to the point that they don’t know why you’re feeling so stressed out.

It’s really frustrating to see them giving you that face. No matter how much they try to hide it from you, it’s actually sort of obvious. What’s really puzzling is that we’re so used to it, once we see it, we just accept it and carry on with what we were previously doing. I mean what are our options when someone asks you whether you’re ok or not– a vicious cycle that starts when you think it’s better to let it out then keep it to yourself like you’ve always do.

People tell me that it’s very apparent that I’m stressed. However, the big smiles which I give away by instinct will always quickly change their impression. Okay, honestly speaking, it’s a good thing especially during camps to keep the morale of the whole camp comm high however it’ll just hunt me back when too many people ask about my wellbeing.

This may be due to the multiple injuries that I got since my childhood days. I mean, I’ve played soccer, block catching, cycling and such and there was never a day when I come back injury free. Honestly, it’s quite annoying that people are crowding around you when it’s just a minute matter and you just want to carry on with the game.

People have been telling me to be more open about this kind of things but how can I? What should I do?

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